Single Black Women Got It Goin’ On

Single Black Women Got It Goin’ On

Says who? Well, a whole slew of statistics referenced by Yolanda Young in her editorial/opinion article in USA Today. Seems that single black women are enjoying better health than their married counterparts. Also according to this article, since those black couples who do marry tend to not stay together anyhow, we now ask, what’s the point? ‘If I marry Tyrone, I’ll probably average one more cold a year than I would if I was single, or Jamal could make my blood pressure go up, hmm, I think I’ll skip the wedding and go book that singles cruise I’ve been eyeing for some time now…’

Stop. I’m going to first let you in on a little secret about me, I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Statistics. Was I crazy for picking such major? Maybe. But I can tell you that numbers, statistics that is, can be manipulated to support any idea, cause, or opinion. I’m not saying this necessarily to shoot holes in the article Young wrote, but let me offer another viewpoint. Certainly it’s clear that the pickin’s are slim for any educated, independent single woman in America. And more so for black women, it’s true. But is that any reason to give up on your hopes of marrying, and marrying a black man for that matter? I don’t think so. My book Shades of Retribution covers the topic. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend any of the tactics that my heroines employed (unless you’re seeking lengthy jail time). But I would encourage all women considering marriage to spend a lot more time getting to know ourselves instead of allowing statistics to dictate our life decisions. I grew up witnessing several marriages between black women and black men that not only survived but thrived. Many sacrifices were made and sometimes the going got rough, but those couples hung in there and made it happen. I have friends in very happy marriages that will likely go the distance. Marriage is not for everyone. Is it for you? Let your heart decide and your actions guide you.

Chandra Adams
Author
Shades of Retribution
www.adrolitepress.com
www.chandraadams.com
www.northbaymediareview.com

Happy Easter

Happy Easter!

I took my day slowly today. I woke up slow, got up slow, even took my time doing my hair. I picked up the phone to call a close relative, and next thing I know I was catapulted into a world I haven’t been a part of in a long time.

One good thing about being away from people that have caused you pain, knowingly or unknowingly, is that when you see them again you have the opportunity to gauge how much you have grown. Or haven’t grown.

Luckily in my case today, I started out in a great mood, and after my reunion with some old acquaintances, I was in a stellar mood. You see, it wasn’t so much because I was happy to see some of those folks. Nope! My sunny disposition was a result of something I realize I have gained over the years, and that is the ability to let dumb *#$%#$* go.

But this skill didn’t appear overnight, and every once in a while when someone gets on my nerves I know I still have a long way to go with it. But today, oh today!!! I walked in the room, held court, smiled, and departed when I knew it was time to leave. Learning how to rise above the petty concerns of the petty – I learned this by being a woman who lost her father not long ago, survived a few difficult relationships over the past few years, and by being a self-published author trying to do it all. Just yesterday I was moping around the house trying to look for signs that all of my efforts in the past few years were worth more than they appeared, and today, I had my shining moment (albeit in my own mind). There wasn’t a thing anyone in that setting could have said to me that would have wiped the smile off my face and the self-assurance in my heart.

Earth Wind & Fire once said, ‘You can’t shake me way I feel today, come tomorrow I’ll feel the same old way’. I hope to be able to rack up more of those kinds of days from here on out.

Chandra Adams
Author
Shades of Retribution
www.adrolitepress.com
www.chandraadams.com
www.northbaymediareview.com

Single Women In America

Late last night I was perusing my cable line-up, first very happy to discover that I had TV One finally, which meant that I could watch all the episodes of Martin that I wanted to watch. A little later, I noticed that Oprah was on and there was an ‘America Talks to Oprah’ episode or something like that. You know what’s funny is that I came in on the middle of a discussion on how there are now more single women in the country than married women, and what followed was an interesting discussion on the merits of being married versus being single. Allow me to say before I go on that I’m a proponent of neither, or I suppose both. Everyone has to do what’s right for them, and I definitely think that not everyone should be married. I suppose the thing that irked me about what some of the women in the audience had to say about it all. One woman thought that marriage should not be looked at as some sort of burden and that married people are a very important part of keeping a community together. In some ways I agree with that, but for the most part nobody should be married for marriage’s sake. If you are in love, are a responsible individual, want to share your life with someone, I say go for it. But if it’s like ‘hey, okay, I finished college, have a good job, what’s next? Oh time to get married’ I’d say you could possibly be heading for trouble.

The discussion devolved into one of my all-time favorite subjects, which is that of black women and our marriage (or lack thereof) rate. Where the percentage of single American women overall is 51%, according to Oprah statistics the percentage of African-American single women was something like 70%. Whuh? Man! One black woman in the audience went on to address that statistic by letting everyone know that she dates all types of men, which for me didn’t explain the statistic. So anyhow, Oprah engages her for a moment before explaining how the statistic made sense to her because so many black men are unavailable, which she could see happening by the number of her black girlfriends who are still single. I thought, ‘oh, here we go…’

In the next split second another black woman got up to speak her mind, and let folks know that she was married to a good black man and that they are out there, then went on to introduce her single available brother seated next to her in the studio audience. I was relieved that that sister was there, because I felt like the issue wasn’t really being addressed fairly. For one, African Americans happen to be a diverse group of people and I think there are many reasons and subsets of reasons why black women are single in such higher proportions than the national average. I wish that for once the generalizations on the subject would cease though, and I wish too that black people that feel like a non-black mate or date is the answer to all of their problems would really think about what they are assuming. The bottom line is that if you have nothing to offer, than nothing is what you will get. That goes for black, white, purple, yellow, or anyone of plaid or polka-dot race. Most people gravitate toward that which they are most comfortable and accustomed to, and that’s one of the reasons why people tend to marry people that look like them and/or think like them. I do believe the ‘shortage’ of black men to marry is all in the minds of those who haven’t taken the time to look inward at their own situations. I think it’s all a bunch of hype that we need to get past and it just keeps us isolated from each other.

Chandra Adams
Author
Shades of Retribution
www.adrolitepress.com
www.chandraadams.com
www.northbaymediareview.com